Does Chevron care about the environment?

Chevron cares about the environment and is searching for viable sources of alternative energy. Yup, and if you believe that, then I guess you think that the good folks at Budweiser want you to drink responsibly and the Marlboro Man hopes that you quit smoking.

Chevron wants to sell you oil, as much oil as it possibly can. They don’t want to see you in fuel-efficient coupes or zippy hybrids – you shouldn’t walk, don’t you know how many pedestrians are struck down each year by Toyota Priuses? Chevron wants you in those big-boy, 4 wheel drive, gas guzzlers.

But according to The Wall Street Journal, Chevron has gone great lengths (over $10 million worth of lengths) to make you think that it cares about the planet. They hired famous cinematographer, Lance Acord, and shot images in over 13 countries to produce a nearly three minute long sap-fest of a commercial about human energy. What does that even mean? They could have saved about 9.9 million and just say they care about innovation and ideas.

I saw the commercial on Sunday night during a football or baseball game, I can’t remember. But man, that was some cheesy stuff. Clear HD images of so-called human courage and progress, while violins whined and a narrator spoke gravely in the background. I watched for 30 seconds to see what they were getting at. After a minute I got nervous, and after 2 minutes I became nauseous and had to switch to the E! Channel, which made me even more nauseous, but luckily when I flipped back the game on.

Chevron does not want innovation - they want the status quo. Innovation means less oil demand, and they sell oil. Oil companies don’t care about alternative energy because they don’t pump ethanol out of the ground, and they can’t lay claims to portions of the sun or certain wind currents, yet, I’m sure they are trying.

There’s a reason why you see ethanol on oil company TV ads, but you can’t find it at any stations – it sounds good on TV, but it’s bad for the oil business. Why? Because they have to buy the ethanol from other companies. A fuel with more ethanol means they are selling less oil. There’s already about 5% of the corn juice in gas as it is, and for companies like Chevron, it’s already too much.

But I’m all for the power of human energy. Maybe Chevron could build a stationary bike that, when pedaled, generated enough electricity to power my TV. That way Chevron chief executive, Dave O’Reilly, could come over and pedal away while I sat on my couch and watched his 3 minute ad. Now that’s human energy.