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    « BACK to Heather Marie Graham's portfolio

    Posted 11.20.03
    Heather's Holiday Hangover Guide
    How to Maneuver the 12 Days of Christmas



    It's holiday time, kids, and 'tis the season to be hungover. Before you pledge loudly that you will not down a gallon of eggnog and fall head-long into Aunt Edna's heavily decorated tree (again), let me give you a tip or two on how to deal with the day after a bout of unadulterated holiday debauchery.

    You may feel as though you are dying the morning after that 18th holiday bash, the one where you decided that finishing an entire bottle of whiskey was your civic duty as a merry-maker. But you're not dying, you're just being visited by that ornery bastard Mr. Hangover. Drinking like Faye Dunaway in Barfly can do a number on your body. Doctors say a hangover "is characterized by headache, tremulousness, nausea, diarrhea, and fatigue combined with decreased occupational, cognitive, or visual-spatial skill performance." In other words, you feel like shit. The cure: Drink lots of water, take some vitamin B6 and eat! If the thought of actually eating anything is revolting, then run (or slowly weave) to the local health food store and pick up an Emerge-n-C. It's packed full of potassium and vitamin C, and you can dissolve it into your water. If you live near a bar, stop in and ask for some bitters and soda. It's a great remedy for a twisted stomach, and it gets the stamp of approval from bartenders across America.

    If eating is something you can do, indulge yourself in a big fatty grease fest: Cheeseburger and fries, or eggs, bacon and home fries (prepared at the local diner -- cooking is usually out of the question). Another dish friends have found to be equally helpful in mending a hangover is menudo (not the tired 80s Teen Beat band), a Mexican stew consisting of such favorites as hominy, tripe, pig's feet, and cilantro. Yummy! Others swear by a good, thick, old-fashioned chocolate milkshake. Still too wobbly for a full meal? Fruit, dry toast and ginger ale will give you back the glucose those come-hither-cocktails sucked out of your body.

    True warriors of drink culture will tell you that the only way to conquer those alcohol-induced injuries is to have the hair of the dog that bit you in the ass (at least my dad says that, and I've proved his theory over and over). I'm sure it was one such body who invented the legendary bloody mary, or the saucy yet sophisticated mimosa. For the more hardcore set, you can always go straight for the beer or liquor that got you into the state you're currently in. But remember that one or two cocktails can assuage, but four of five is the beginnings of a bender.

    Holistic approaches to hangovers help too -- herbal remedies always come in handy. To ease nausea use anise, capsicum, ginger, licorice, and peppermint. To relieve headaches, try chamomile, feverfew, peppermint, skullcap, St. John's wort, wintergreen or valerian. Make a huge pot of chamomile and peppermint mix. Works for me.

    But what do you do if you can't leave the dark lair once known as your home? The TV is always a friend when you're "sick," especially if you have cable. Stick to comedies (maybe a John Hughes marathon) -- they require very little brainpower, there is no stomach turning gore, and they won't send you spiraling down that elevator shaft of hangover depression. If you've ever said to yourself, "I should not have told my cousin what I really thought of her grab bag gift after drinking those two bottles of wine," you know about the shame spiral. If you have a significant other, or a really good friend, ask that they give you some TLC and get you everything you may require that is out of arms reach. And have all food you plan to eat delivered.

    Maneuvering your way through the holiday season may merit a drink in its own right. Depending on the amount of maneuvering that you need to do, keep this guide close at hand. If you are anything like me and the company I keep, you may want to continue referencing this guide throughout the year.








    Published December 2000 Paper Multimedia, papermag.com (stock photo)