Growing Up, With Help

“It’s Been Quite an Experience”

The comprehensive legislation targets all ages–from adults all the way down to gestating fetuses–and recognizing the astounding variations within autism that create such a spectrum of needs. It has been praised by advocates like Chew and Potito, who say that such efforts are necessary to maintain New Jersey’s reputation as one of the leading state in autism research and treatment.

But despite the strides being made in their state government, life for Young and his family continues in much the same way. When Ashley dropped Young off at his group home, she stood at his side as he asked his house manager if he could still attend dinner with his roommates. The manager answered in the positive to the first two questions and, after the third ask, gently reminded Young that this would be the last ask. Young kept his eyes on the ground and apologized.

“I’m sorry,” he stammered, “Can I say it, and then you say it, and then that will be the end of the conversation?”

Later, as Ashley pulled out and her brother waved from his bedroom window, she explained that acceptance of autism as a lifelong condition is necessary to move forward. She said that her brother is aware of the special difficulties he must face as an adult with a developmental disorder.

“He’s aware of his disability,” she said, “He knows what autism is. Sometimes he’ll say he’s sorry, that he can’t help it. It’s just something we’ve all come to deal with.”

“It’s been quite an experience,” Pamela said of raising her son. “The problem is really getting the benefits you know you’re entitled to, and not everybody is educated enough to know what they should get. If you don’t fight, you’re not going to get anything. If you’re not a strong parent and don’t know how to advocate for your kid, you’re screwed.”

But she and Ashley firmly asserted that the rewards of raising Young into a capable, intelligent, and loving man, through the particular challenges associated with autism, are more than worth the strain.

“The doctors when he was diagnosed said that Al would never read, never speak with a normal vocabulary, maybe never walk,” Ashley said, “Now he reads, he teaches, he speaks his mind. We’re proud of how far he’s come, and so is he.”